Love Has Come for You

This is the newest and onliest by Steve Martin (yes that one) and Edie Brickell (Ms. not-so-new Bohemian and wife of Paul Simon).

Martin plays banjo and Ms. Brickell sings.

This album grew on me. When I first listened to a few pre-release samples, I was like “can’t wait til this is out!” The day came, I downloaded it and “meh” was my first reaction.

But now after maybe 10 listens, I keep on listening.

This is not a knock-your-socks-off CD. It’s quiet and happy.

I think this is at least part of what Americana music is or should be. An interesting mix of old style with some new-fangled lyrics. Hard to imagine Stephen Foster writing a song with the line: “When you get to Asheville, send me an email.” But it works.

Some of the lyrics are pretty dark. Babies in suitcases thrown off trains? “Yes She Did, Yes She Did” chronicles a suicide.

Fortunately the sad stuff is sung and played upbeat so it’s not as maudlin as it might be.  Brickell still has that little smirk in her voice but she mostly sings seriously.  I don’t know what to call her technique where she lets her voice fade out and off pitch at the end of a musical phrase but it actually works.

Martin’s banjo is not virtuoso but he is a clean and appropriate player for this music. All this is original with lyrics by Brickell and music written by both.

If you had asked me a week ago what I thought, I might have suggested not buying. But now it hardly comes out of my CD player.

For No Reason

My nephew Jay was shot and killed this past weekend. (some details still being determined)

I’ve been struggling with my feelings and not sure what to do.

He was 46 and our encounters were few over the past 20+ years. For me he will be forever frozen in time as a teenager.

He struggled with and survived a potentially life-threatening illness as a teen. I recall getting the Cleveland Browns – the REAL Cleveland Browns – to sign a t-shirt I could take to Jay in the hospital. I think one of the players called his room to talk to him.

After his hospital stay he came to live with us for a few months of recovery. My memories are then of his purple underwear (going through a “Prince” phase”), always wearing a knit hat to bed to keep his hair in place and “whatchamacallit”; his favorite word as a placeholder for when he couldn’t think of what to call something.

A few years before that, he, my brother-in-law Charles, and I spent a few days camping in Big Meadows along Skyline Drive in Virginia.

I’ll try to hang on to those good memories as I think of him the next few days.

R.I.P. John Jay Robles and condolences to his daughter, sister, brother, mother, father and extended family.

What will the Supremes do next?

Given the way most people seem to take sides on this issue, the following musings will no doubt confuse and/or anger people on both sides but, hey. I like to write my thoughts down. It helps me figure things out as I go along.

Until the Supremes decide and issue their rulings in a few months, the contentious and polarized debate will continue over same-sex marriage and DOMA.

Earlier this week I saw this headline: 48 percent of all first births are now to unmarried women. This from a report (available in many places and forms - here's one) by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, and the RELATE Institute.

Regardless of your side taken on the SCOTUS cases and your moral or spiritual persuasion this has to be a troubling stat.

It was fellow Missourian Mark Twain who had a quote about lies and statistics but for now I’ll keep it clean and accept that number at face value without parsing it too much.

Without falling into the same trap as former Vice-President Dan Quayle did with his Murphy Brown comment perhaps 20 years ago, I realize some of the situations are not the mother’s exclusive fault and many of these women who make up this 48% are perfectly capable of raising a child all by themselves, have decided this is what they want to do and are doing a first-rate job of it.

But most people would agree that this is still not the ideal scenario. I spent more than half of my formative years in a home without a mother so say what you will. Single fathers are also perfectly capable of raising kids too – just fewer of them ever try.

My point is that maybe before we get on our soapbox about the sanctity of marriage, we need to look at what it means and doesn’t mean in today’s society and what led us to where we are today. Is it marriage that needs fixing or something else? Perhaps something more and bigger?

Seems to me there are broader cultural issues in play here.

Maybe there are bigger fish to fry than determining exactly who or what constitutes marriage. In other words, where should our emotional and spiritual energies be targeted these days?

As I find with so many things, nothing is simple. There are numerous cause-and-effects going on with marriage, single-parenthood and other pressing social issues we face.

WinterJam 2013

My ears are still ringing! (Patti said her bottom was buzzing or tingling or something but that is another story she can tell!) 4 + hours of high decibel and extremely loud music and LOW vibrate your insides bass (is there something lower than bass?).

Talking Winter Jam 2013 – a sort of group tour with some well-known and up-and-comers in the Christian music scene. I confess I had only heard of a few of them and some of those only because my two younger daughters are CRAZY about them.

I haven’t been to any concerts in a couple of years and the last ones I recall were James Taylor, Brooks and Dunn and Springsteen. Let’s just say last night was nothing like any of these.

For a moment forget that this was as much about the message as the music. Did I already say this was loud? Staging was a big deal. Multiple screens, live video feeds along with lyrics, graphics – I guess this is a new definition of live multimedia. I tried to take some pictures but we were in nosebleed territory – literally on the top top row of JQH Arena and my iPhone lens would only do so much. Did I mention pyrotechnics? I didn’t even know you could legally do that anymore!

Lights never stopped moving. Performers were all over the place. Always something happening; it seemed liked everywhere. In some ways it was almost an assault on the senses (no offense to the artists.)

30+ years ago, a church I was attending planned on having 2nd Chapter of Acts play a small concert but it got cancelled because a few of the members thought it might be too loud and offensive for church.

My how times have changed.

One group that I had somehow heard of but never heard was Red. I guess they are considered alt-grunge-rock. All I could think of was Steampunk. Is there a musical genre for Steampunk? If so, they fit my perception of that.  They dress in a sort of “dystopian” mix of disheveled-ness (is that a word?) and play about as loud as anything I’ve ever heard. But the kids seemed to love it, moving all the time to the music. Certainly not my cup of tea but then again I’m a 60-year-old-fart!

The top bill for the evening was Toby Mac. He is 40-something years old! Still moves and raps with the energy of a 20-something and the kids (and my wife!) love him. I appreciate his talents and that he’s been doing this for a couple of decades.

My favorite was another guy I had never heard of – Mathew West. First off I could take my earplugs out and listen. Secondly he told stories and how stories helped him write his songs. They had some depth and ended up buying his CD – only $5. How could I pass it up? Listened to it twice today on my commute.

A (mostly) pretty fun, long and late evening with Patti and the girls but until my ears stop ringing, might be awhile before we do that again!

more on being an Aspie parent

Still reading Far From the Tree and trying to understand Asperger’s and how I’m supposed to respond and be a parent. I mentioned once before this has to be the hardest, most thought provoking book I’ve ever read.

Today I ran across this:

“I see a picture in my mind of the cavemen talking around the campfire, and off in the corner, there’s the Aspie guy, and he’s chipping the first stone spear, figuring out how to tie it to a stick, cutting some animals sinews to do it. Social people don’t make technology.”       Temple Grandin

Much of the Autism chapter I’m reading tells of the conflicts even within the Autistic community between acceptance, working to find a cure, a cause, how to treat it etc. There was a similar discussion in the chapter on deaf people. We hearing-people might think that every deaf person wants to hear like we do (OK, maybe not like me! – family joke.) but there is not a consensus. There is conflict among the deaf on how they should be taught to communicate and be educated and more.

As I read more about Asperger’s, and this is very hard for me to get my head (and heart) around, some folks glory in their Asperger-ness and wouldn’t trade it for anything. They just want to be accepted for who they are and be allowed to function in the world at large without a “disabling” label.

There are plenty of folks at other points on this spectrum who wish for a cure, better treatments etc. and look on Asperger’s and Autism as a disease to be cured and eliminated like smallpox; parents, patients and more.

As an Aspie-parent I’m struggling with the space in between this. What should I do to help my child? When do I leave my child alone to be who she is? Some of this is basic parenting; we teach and train all our children to get them ready to function on their own in the bigger world outside out front door. Sometimes actions and behaviors are inappropriate no matter what the label. But it is not always so clear where behaviors and attitudes begin and end.

Part of my struggle is to separate those things that are going to create a barrier to entry into that outside world and make it really tough to survive AND those things that are just part of who my child is that may not ever change or get better in the way I think they should be.

Again lots of space in between those two compass points but that’s where we live right now.

People often refer to the journey being the most enjoyable rather than arriving at their destination sometimes. Working on that.

Manager''s Manifesto

I hope this is OK to re-post, credit is given. I read this and my first thought was "ouch!" But it provides a good filter through which to run things on a regular basis. So with credit to Julie Zhuo

Product design director @ Facebook, here's her recent blog:

A Manager's Manifesto

10) Always get the full story before making a decision.

9) It's incredibly easy to 'flip the switch' and start writing people off after a few bad experiences. Resist at all costs. You were bumbling once too. You made poor decisions. You learn and grow, and so does everybody else.

8) Sweep up the crumbs. Wipe the tables. Turn off the lights. Plug the holes that need plugging—even if it's menial, even if nobody will know you did it. Do it in service of the product, the company, and this wondrous, magical thing you are all building together.

7) Recognize you can't do everything. Close your eyes, fall backwards, and learn to trust.

6) Clearly, there is a more efficient way to do the things you do. How? Ponder that on your daily drive home.

5) Figure out which people rely on you and how you can help them be self-sufficient. You may feel important having a monopoly on salmon provisions, but if the whole village learns how to fish, it'll free you up to do something else. Like figuring out how to grow wheat. Or how to domesticate those cute wolf-pups.

4) Don't say anything if it's not actually contributing to the discussion. Your voice is not so melodious that it absolutely must be heard.

3) Making the best decision is not as important as putting in the right processes to ensure that the best decisions get made.

2) Dole out thanks and encouragement like you dole out opinions.

1) Above all, this: never, ever get in the way. It's better to twiddle your thumbs and squint up at the clouds than to obstruct progress for the sake of that stupid, childish thing called ego.

registering

Heard an old PSA on the radio today reminding young men to register for Selective Service when they turn 18. I did it many many years ago (somewhere I still have this small card – I never burned mine.) I guess most do it now (register, not burn!) – or do they? Is this something we take for granted ? Everyone is up in arms (sorry bad word to use but …) over asking people to produce some sort of ID to vote? Or to show some ID and submit to certain checks when buying guns or ammo?

I tell my county what cars I own every year and how many cows I own so they can figure out how much tax I need to pay so my itty-bitty rural school can get some funding and my bumpy road can get repaired every so often.

I get that it is complicated. Just seems we have a variety of places where we have to prove who we are, register for things, provide information. There are those who say this is somehow wrong. We need to be consistent one way or the other.